yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize