She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
