I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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