One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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