first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize