This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
