You can't special order awesome
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
