Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
