i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
