You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
