did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
