I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
