I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize