I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
