It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize