Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
