I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
