Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
