bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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