I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
