peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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