a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
