thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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