Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i need some magic done to my vagina
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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