Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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