i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
