Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
