YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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