I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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