We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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