when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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