Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
