Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
