I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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