pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
