i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The chlamydia really affected his face.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
