Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
