We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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