I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The air taste purple.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
