OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
