well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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