im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
