never play flip cup with pint glasses
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
