my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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