Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Panties = found
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
