i think my tv is drunk
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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