how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize