It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
