so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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