i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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