you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
