Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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