I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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