You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
