Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
