yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize