Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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