You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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