Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.

(1-314): View more from Missouri

i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is

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(650): View more from California

what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?

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(630): View more from Illinois

he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.

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(703): View more from Virginia

He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.

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(540): View more from Virginia

i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.

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(229): View more from Georgia

I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink

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