This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
