it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
