i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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