R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
