I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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