sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
