Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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