Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
