did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just found puke in my bra..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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